• Sue Steiner

Moving Mountains

Moving Mountains

The Man who moves mountains begins by moving carry away stones.  ~ Confucious

Obstacles can loom large in front of a person and feel overwhelming.  It may be too that it appears that a vast range of mountains is holding you back.  I have been there too.  You can feel hemmed in and pulled down, with your choices and options barely visible for the fog.  It can zap a person’s energy and well, quite frankly, mess with your mind.  

I recently responded to a Facebook post by a person reaching out for support and encouragement while confessing to dealing with anxiety and depression and venting about a lack of understanding by some people close to her.  I responded by saying that to me depression is like climbing a mountain, day after day, in waist-deep mud.  As a person who has dealt with depression, I remember this experience well, you are very aware that this same mud while weighing you down, has the capacity to suck you under.  It is a fight… and a mountain….and an obstacle that looms before you.   Even though I am not depressed now and have been successful in living depression free for several years, I am always on the alert for any indication it may be back.   I say this with awareness and not dread.  It is just a fact of life that I will likely always need to be on guard to watch out for its return.  I take deliberate actions to stay on top of it.  I suspect I always will need to do this.  One can not have lived with depression and anxiety for a huge chunk of their life and not do some kind self-checks to make sure it’s not back.  Depression and anxiety can be sneaky in that they kind of creep up on you and before you know it you are waist deep in the mud. 

Prior to treatment, I was depressed but unaware I was depressed.  I know that sounds impossible… but if you are young and/or not self-aware, it is entirely possible to live and semi-function and never know you are depressed.  Depression doesn’t present that same way in everyone.  If you have lived depressed for most of your life and have not had treatment, you may not know life can be any different.  I have the added experience of working in the mental health field in a crisis center and see patients who are in deep.   The anxiety can literally feel like electricity running thru your body while the depression paralyzes you from moving.  Or it can be projected outward by way of rage and acting out.  Either way, it has the capacity to numb you from your body.  This disconnect from your body compounds the problem.  This is the mind/body connection piece that horses are so helpful but first a visual and story for you demonstrating being ‘in your body’ vs. disconnected.